Follow1in3's Blog

I have had this book since 2012. I haven’t been able to read it because it was a huge trigger for me everytime I picked it up to read it. The same thing happened with some movies that I started to watch and had to stop watching; Doubt and Precious are just two of them. I saw the movie Spotlight in the theater with a friend who knew my story and was aware that I would probably be triggered. I was…a lot. I almost broke her hand. She was a trooper.

Since this is a blog about the abuse in the Church written by someone who had been abused by a priest I do try to touch on that in every post. It is part of my history so it is fairly easy to incorporate into the writing. I’m not triggered in the same ways as I once was. I am still triggered though. What does that look like? I can now call out bullshit, like the way this scandal has been handled in/by the hierarchy of the Church. The panic attacks don’t come any longer, anger still comes but is focussed, trust is still an issue and probably always will be. I credit this growth to a priest who gave me a penance that 40 years ago would not have so profoundly affected me. Read the Serenity prayer. I had to look it up. The wisdom to know the things I cannot change, (like this sin and rot in the Church). Trust me I tried and I have the letters to prove it. It was me banging my head against cement repeatedly and becoming angrier and more frustrated by not getting any change. Also not getting any help from the entity that hurt me in the first place.

The book I speak of is; When Priests Become Predators: Profiles of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors by Thomas S. Neuberger

It is a book that takes court records, (for the most part), of the victims and the slimey priests and puts them together as one cohesive whole. It is not only powerful but eye opening. Slimey priests are born of a slimy diocese…the tactics anyway.

I really didn’t learn anything new about the behavioral effects on the abused I have seen them all and experienced mostly all of them myself. The anger is paramount in all the testimony I read and in all of the people I have met and ministered too through, Grief to Grace, and the confessional. That and the mistrust of authority. The irony here is that the unjust tactics of the Church caused even more anger and distrust. And for the desire to hold onto money to outweighed the just treatment of those who have suffered abuse, their healing and their families is unchristian, anti-gospel and down right demonic. Remember the victims do not exist in a bubble, alone and insignificant. We matter. Our souls matter. The diocese did not take that into consideration. Nor did the worldwide Church.

When the diocese was in bankruptcy court, (for money, their morals were already bankrupt), I penned a letter to Judge Christopher S. Sontchi. In it I stated that I did not give a whit about the money I really cared about the healing of the victims. I recommended Grief to Grace as a jumping off point for healing. Of course Judge Sontchi had to disclose the communication, and of course it became public record. The personal result was the bishop, whos’ name shall not be spoken, started a campaign of lies against me. As they always do they got back to me. He will have a lot to answer for to God and I for one hope he makes a good and heartfelt confession. Believe it or not I do pray for him.

Among priests Thomas Neuberger’s name and reputation are despised. To me he is a hero. He did not let the diocese continue to hide and cover-up their crimes and unholy actions. The light is the best disinfectant. It speaks volumes that the person to bring this to the light the one to bring the Light of the Christ to this issue was not a priest or a bishop but a layman. That in itself speaks volumes about this issue.

I want to share two events among many I’ve experienced as a priest. These happened years apart. The first one was at an event that the priests of the diocese were present. We were at a meal and I have no idea what was being talked about. A priest at the table, I wish I remembered who it was but since I was triggered I do not remember any of that. I do remember the exchange though. He said, “Well we can’t all be perfect like you.” My response was to throw up my arms and say, “Well thank God you finally get that. It should make both our lives much easier.” His passive aggressive comment was meant to humiliate me in front of the whole table. I was having none of it so I responded with sarcasm and basically saying FU to him in front of the whole table and ending that exchange.

The second event was not nearly as dramatic. It did take place at a meal. Seems like we are always eating. A priest, who I need to preface with the fact that I do not like, announced at the table that two people came to him for confession saying that they joined the abuse payout solely for the money. I did not believe him. First he is on medical leave so is not assigned to a parrish. Second I do not believe for a second that two people sought him out for confession. In short I think he is a lier. This happened in 2022 or 2023. It serves as an example that the victims of priest abuse are still not believed and are undermined. In this case by a lying priest. Sounds familiar though…the lying part. Not wanting to make a scene, very unlike me, I did wonder if he said this because I was at the table. If so he obviously does not believe me or other abuse victims. In a crude colloquialism, “He is full of shit.”

So at this late date we have a lot of victims who have left the Church. We have a lot of loved ones of victims who have left the Church. We have a lot of people that have no direct contact with the abused who have left the Church. And for those of us who have stayed in the Church we are left to deal with liars, denyers and unbelievers. Here is a great big FU to them. And God Bless Thomas Neuberger!

It’s Christmas Eve, Eve, 12/23. So many things bouncing around in my head. I’m either getting the stigmata or one of my cats got me good and drew blood. I am going to go with that.

After googling pictures of dead people murdered by Serial Killers and unfortunately getting a plethora of photos I felt really bad. I felt really bad because they were murdered and any potential they had in their lives was ended. (Most of them were young.) And then I had to ask myself were they ready for death and their final judgement before God? So many of us, (and I include myself in that number), are not ready. Then I thought of all the people that loved them and miss them and their hearts ache for the loss.

(The blood dried up. No stigmata for me.)

Then, because this is my default stance, I wondered about all of the abuse victims and their families. So many of them left the Church because of the evil perpetrated on their bodies and their psychies. And I wonder about those who are dead. How did their judgement go? Any potential they had was murdered too. I wrote one time that I’m left to mourn what could have been even if it wouldn’t have been. I’ll never know and neither will all those others who were abused or their loved ones. It is truly insidious.

This is so not light hearted or Christmasy. But with the incarnation of God in the flesh the flesh is available for abuse. I have said this before but it bears repeating; Christmas and Easter can not be separated. The same flesh that was born into the world is the flesh that suffered so mightily in the passion, crucifixion and death. It is also the same flesh that was taken into the godhead. The pain, the suffering, the abuse, the humiliation all made its way into the godhead because it was suffered by God. 

Although no one raped Jesus he was stripped naked and scourged. That in itself is a type of sexual abuse. Being naked in front of others against your will and having your genitals visible for the world to see counts as sexual abuse. Add to that humiliation the cultural norms that the Jews had against nudity in public, preferring modesty, and you have an egregious abuse. An abuse that the sexually abused experienced at the hands of religious authorities just like Jesus did. Because God experienced that and took it with him into the godhead everyone everywhere who experienced rape, sexual abuse of some kind, physical, emotional, verbal and judicial abuse, who has been lied to and/or lied about can take some modicum of comfort in knowing that God truly does understand because he experienced it also.

Of course I wasn’t ready to hear that 40some years ago but time does heal…just stick with God because he does get it and experienced it. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Antisemitism goes beyond a lack of respect and a lack of love. It is an unhinged hatred of the Jewish people, what they believe and what they stand for. If you teach children to hate they will hate and grow-up to hate with no true understanding of why they hate, in this instance, in an unhinged way. Ask them why they hate and wish to annihilate all Jews everywhere. It makes no sense, and try as you might you cannot explain or make sense of evil.

In one episode of The Golden Girls during a health crises, Sophia, who just found out her doctor was Jewish asks him why so many doctors are Jewish. Without looking up from what he was doing he matter of factly responded, “because their mothers are.” Is that the basis of hate? Success and generationally striving for success and wanting better for their kids. All society should want that but there is a disconnect in the terrorist group, Hamas, itself and with their own children. The disconnect is really all throughout the middle-east and has been exported to other cultures/countries. Hate is taught from the beginning of childhood.

Here in the US you have stupid and clueless people saying things like the rapes of woman by the Hamas terrorists have been disproven. Not only is that untrue but the terrorists documented it themselves. I wanted to punch that stupid young woman who actually said that on camera. 

Then you have presidents of universities saying that anti-semitic chants are protected speech. Excuse me? Chant for the lynching of black people or the internment of Asians and see how fast that “speech” gets shut down. There isn’t any logic or consistency here. Go back to Germany in the 30’s. Anti-semitic protests were rampant in colleges, then in society itself. That did not end well not only for the Jews but also for the mentally ill, for the elderly in nursing homes, for homosexuals, gypsies, communists, catholics and any opposition to the policies of the government.

What would we look like under the theocracy that radical muslims want? For one that misinformed young woman would not only be barred from such protests she would have no rights at all. Homosexuals would all be killed. Women would not only be barred from being university presidents they would be barred from school. If you disagreed with the government in any way you would be imprisoned or killed. Anyone deemed undesirable would disappear. Anything deemed undesirable would be banned. Utopia it’s not, unless you are a male who tows the government/religious policies line. I see the whole scenario as terrifying. I don’t understand why others don’t see it too. Evil cannot be understood or explained and what is going on right now is EVIL!

I actually hate doing this but not understanding evil fits in all instances of child abuse and even the sexual abuse of children. Especially in the Church. I have given up trying to understand this evil because it is not explainable or understandable. It is about the power wielded by those who have power over those who are powerless. It is not about celibacy. It is not about clericalism. It is not about loneliness. It’s not even about gay clergy. It is about evil. Doing sexual things that should never be done to children is evil.

Just like anti-semitism, racism and sexism are evil, and evil is a choice, a bad choice, but a choice. Many priests made bad and evil choices. May God have mercy on their souls…may God have mercy on all our souls.

First let’s get this Catholics worship Mary tripe out of the way. Catholics worship the triune God Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Mary is not part of the Trinity. Mary is a human being like all of us are. Jesus took his flesh from Mary, remember that he was the Word, no flesh there. Of course he is the creator of everything in the universe, including the flesh that we humans have. Since the Word didn’t have flesh from the beginning he got it from being incarnate. He became incarnate because Mary said yes to God the father’s request that she give birth to his son, fully human from her and fully divine, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning. God created everything through him,” He was to be the savior of the world. Of course he could have taken flesh in any way he wanted but the natural way is through natural birth. Yes it was miraculous but at the same time common. The miraculous can and does often happen in/with the common. Notice in the beginning, in John’s prologue, there is zero mention of Mary. Why???? Because she is not divine. Let’s be clear that Mary’s flesh was that of a Jew. Jesus in his incarnation was Jewish. So antisemitism is anathema for ALL CHRISTIANS. It is not even logical, but I digress.

When the term, “pray to Mary ”, is used it means to pray for her intercession. Mary can not do anything on her own except lead us to Jesus. Now it seems that explanation is not good enough for some dunderheads. I have to ask why anyone would object to using an intercessor? That is what we are doing when we pray for one another like scripture tells us.

Now skipping to Mary’s Immaculate Conception, how do you think something like being born without original sin happens? Since Mary is only human she could not have done it for herself. That is where God steps in. Since God does not exist in time he can do that. Since the son, Jesus, is without sin isn’t it logical that his vessel, Mary’s womb, be untouched by sin, so Mary herself could not be touched by sin? Again we ask who made that happen? God who doesn’t exist in time made it happen. Mary, who needs to be redeemed, like all of us humans, is redeemed by her son’s sacrifice for us on the cross. So she was conceived without original sin. He can do that because God does not exist in time. (Before you get your panties in a bunch, the God/man Jesus did exist in time for 33 years. The word is God and has existed from the beginning.)

Just one more thing. Eve, one of the authors of original sin, was created without original sin because original sin did not exist yet. So she could still sin and she chose too. Mary could have sinned but chose not too. Since we all have the residual effects of original sin we need to be very diligent to keep away from sin. Let us all pray for each other as intercessors and ask Mary the Mother of God to intercede for us also. Mary’s one job is to lead us to God. 

Advent is upon us, a holy reminder to all Christians that Jesus Christ, the Word, who existed from the beginning, took flesh from a Jewish girl and entered the world of his own creation as a helpless child to experience what it is that we all experience. He grew and knowing who he was, God, he died upon the cross for us and our sinfulness. We cannot separate Advent from Lent. The two are intimately linked through the man/God Jesus Christ and what he did for all of us. He renewed the world, ‘I’ve come to make all things new.’

And still we are all sinners. And of course this encompasses everyone and everything; politics, entertainment, religion. And religion encompasses all religions, not just Christian religions. Even though Jesus entered our world as our redeemer and left us detailed teachings of what he expects of us. The influence of original sin is alive and well in all of us and with our free will we can choose the wrong thing, the sinful thing.

That is what happens with scandals in all churches. Jesus’ words and teachings are ignored and our free will is operated wrongly, sinfully. In the case of the Catholic Church priests not living the way that they are called to live forgot or ignored the teaching of God and chose to do sinful/evil things with minors. That was really bad. Then others; priests, bishops, laypeople, tried mightily to cover it up. (Sadly that still is happening.)

Many, many people have left the Church. It puzzled me at first because this never had anything to do with God yet God was being blamed. Then I had several non-priest friends talk to me about how their disappointment was further spurred on by the belief that all priests should believe everything they preport to believe and that the Church believes, (they should but sadly do not). It is because of that people left the Church. Unrealistic expectations? Not really. But original sin is alive and well in all of us but the people expect more from their priests. That is why we all need to pray for our priests.

I always knew that in my head, (intellectually), but it has taken years to make it to my heart. And it took years for me to get that understanding, (not that I’m soooo smart), with consistent prayer, how can people who have really busy lives and might not take time for prayer get to that understanding?

The Church is in the state it is in today because of people not because of God.

a former weight and unit of currency, used especially by the ancient Romans and Greeks:
“a mighty steed bought from a Thessalian merchant for thirteen talents”

natural aptitude or skill: “he possesses more talent than any other player” · 

synonyms: flair · aptitude · facility · gift · knack · technique · touch · bent · ability · 

I do not know the translation for talents in other languages but it is pretty clear in English. So what does God want from us according to Matthew 25:14-30?

I always felt bad for the guy with one talent who buried it and caught hell. But now I think I get it. Any talent we have was given to us by God so we have an obligation to use what God has given us. Some of us seemingly have way less talents than others. But instead of looking at the obvious; languages, music, sports, math & science. Sometimes we have to look deeper and at the less obvious. So when we ask ourselves what am I good at? What talent do I have? We must never dismiss or diminish what we discover,

Having organizational skills is a talent. Being good with children or older people is a talent. Being a good mother or a good father is an important talent. Being a nice person is an under celebrated talent. Woodworking, crafting, artistic expression, teaching, sewing, knitting, crocheting, cooking, (even on a grill), are all talents. And we can have more than one talent. There are a gazillion more, we all have something.

The old adage, Use it or lose it, is something we have all heard. If we can find a way to use it directly for God it does not matter that we are the servant with one talent. If we use it then one is enough. Something I learned at, “Grief to Grace”, is never compare your pain or abuse to anyone else’s pain or abuse. Theirs is not worse. Yours happened to you and so it is/was bad. I think the same can be said of talents, yours is yours so that makes it grand.

It’s important to know and understand what one’s vocation is; whether it’s being a student or a parent or a priest. Our talent or talents can be used to help ourselves with what we are doing and it can help others at the same time. Do not hide your talents by not using them to yourself to heaven…and maybe drag someone else to heaven with you.  

Posted onNovember 12, 2023byfollow1in3

I think that the most terrifying words in scripture have to be “Amen I say to you I do not know you.” Those damning words are attributed to the bridegroom who we know as Jesus the bridegroom of the Church. I do not want to hear those words. How many people in our Church, in our world, don’t even think that is a possibility? I fear for them almost as much as I fear for myself.

The list is long of ‘do not know you s’. How many times am I in that sad group? The self righteous are there, bishops, priests, others who think they have it all together and seemingly disregard God as far as this religion thing goes. Then of course are those who oppose them, calling out their hypocrisy. It is an illustration of the log in your own eye. Two wrongs will get you a trip to hell.

“Church Ladies”, have become a cliche because they actually exist. (They can be men too. Which plays into the whole sexual ideology thing.) The idea of the condemning, holier than thou, extremely uncharitable individuals in the Church makes one bristle. Some call them judgmental and if they think the other is going to hell because of some erroneous external look or behavior that could be seen as judgmental. Otherwise they are just being uncharitable. Pointing out God’s truth is never the same as being uncharitable in fact it is charitable. Whether one wants to hear the truth and be open to it is another thing. Being catty, which can be very funny at times, might also be listed under uncharity.

Passive/aggressive behavior is another problem that doesn’t have anything to do with God. It’s telling that when you point it out to a person that they are being passive/aggressive they often try to defend or deflect it by accusing you of being passive/aggressive, which in itself is passive/aggressive. God is a lot of things but passive/aggressive is not one of them.

There are so many ways to earn that, I do not know you, line from the Lord which in and of itself is terrifying so we have to keep trying and keep praying that we know and do God’s will in all things.

The tattoo on my back is the crucified Christ on the cross and the tattoo artist’s interpretation of the universe. The second person of the Trinity, the Word, who took flesh from a Jewish girl who said YES to God the Father’s request that she bear his son so he can become the savior of the world that he created. The universe as a backdrop for the brutal death of the one who created EVERYTHING.

Seeing all of the photographs coming back from the James Webb Space Telescope, all of those images of the vastness of space and the beautiful colors that the artists use as interpretation of the wonder of creation, they drive home the point that God’s creativity knows no bounds. It really is a humbling experience. (Of course it doesn’t stop me from sinning…thanks Adam.)

We should fear God because He can do everything and we can do nothing. And of course that leads me to the question, “Don’t the bishops fear God.” How about priests or deacons let alone the people in the pews. Why don’t the abused in the Church warrant justice? How about all the abused throughout the world? Justice can only come with cooperation with the will and grace of God, think the Blessed Mother. There is no justice without God.

It saddens me that there are so many people who believe that the wrongheaded things that they believe in, and are, labeled progressive are good. They have good intentions on their part but unfortunately they lead to sin. And remember that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So all of the things that the world celebrates as progress are not anchored in God and therefore not of God or from God…the God who created and then died for the universe. Sad!

As a Catholic it is disheartening to see this, “feel good”, and, “do anything you want because nothing is sin”, attitude take over the world, and even worse, the Church herself. Besides teaching the faith the Church needs to be concise and clear about Church teaching. The waters should not be muddied. If there are people who don’t want to know the truth or live the truth let them go. Jesus did that with the rich young man.

Being Catholic is hard. But living Catholic is not impossible. It just may be inconvenient for those who want to live any way they want, It might be inconvenient for those who want to justify their sin.

I’m listening to Janice Joplin and hearing so much pain in her singing. And even with all of her pain she continued to pursue her career. of course all of that pain never went away. So she self medicated and pursued sexual relationships. She overdosed and died…with syphilis, so it was reported. What was the genesis of all of that pain?

As a nation we all watched Brittany Spears self destruct and spin out of control. Her mental illness was on display for everyone to see. A lot of judging went on, after all she had so much fame and money. Recently we all found out about an abortion that she had that she really did not want but was pressured into. So much for freedom of choice and the argument that abortion is good for women.

A lyric in the song, Don’t Cry for me Argentina really sums up fame and fortune, “They are an illusion, they are not the solutions they promise to be.”

What is the parallel to abuse? Drugs to numb the pain will not work. Fame and fortune are just an illusion. Suicide, although seen as a remedy in some societies, will not work either. Living in the pain is sometimes unbearable. There is not one answer that fits everyone except that the pain has to be dealt with. And it can take yyeeaarrss to work through.

One thing that happens in the Church, which in no way is helpful, is not only denial but the self-righteous demeanor that so may priests and bishops adopt. It is like they have blinders on so do not see the effects of abuse on people. (That has happened to me and many people I know.) Of course if you do not acknowledge the “other” you yourself do not have to deal with the problem…that your ilk created.

Looking around I see very little offered to get those who have fled the Church back into the Church. One of the things we must remind ourselves of is that those who have been abused often have family members and friends who have also left the Church because of what has happened. Fair or not there is very little trust, if any, in bishops and priests on the issue of abuse whether it be sexual or other abuses. I know two people who have had to constantly seek redress for abuse they have been exposed too. one of them got satisfaction and one did not. Neither of them experienced sexual abuse. It is like no other abuse exists. We as a Church are never going to get all the people who have left back into the fold if we don’ t acknowledge that abuse of all stripes has been handled badly.

As a priest I know all too well that there are people in the pews who do not like to be challenged with the truth. That is a problem. You cannot blame the laity because the faith has not been taught since Vatican II. And guess what, Vatican II is not to blame. The other erroneous statement is: it’s not what you said but how you said it. What does that even mean? Sometimes hearing the truth hurts and is not easy to hear or take.

Why is it people do not know that any genital sexual expression between unmarried people is a sin. Why is it that you can go to mass for 30, 40, years and not know of the perpetual virginity of the Blessed Mother. How can you not believe in the Real Presence? Is it any wonder people have left. The faith has not been taught. It needs to be taught. 

First let me preface this with saying I don’t like the man. Second, even though I do not like him, I still do not want him to go to hell and I do pray for him. That said, let’s talk about Bishop Francis Malooly. He was instrumental in the coverup of clergy sexual abuse in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. Even if he was following orders he is still responsible for his atrocious actions. Concentration Camp guards tried to use that line of defence and it did not fly. Also if orders were issued from the archbishop of Baltimore they would not have to be obeyed because the orders themselves were/are sinful.

When Bishop got to Wilmington to be the bishop he started out by lying to everyone at his installation mass. He said pretty words about aiding victims. That really never materialized. So that was a huge lie not only to the clergy but also to the laity. The next lie happened at a conference that the priests attended. He stood up in front of all of us and proclaimed that the fault lies with the journalists who reported on the crises. Unbelievable. Let’s just posit for one minute that clergy everywhere were living in a manner consistent with their station in life, journalists would have nothing to write about. Pope Benedict came out with a statement before our Wilmington clergy meeting stating that this was our problem and asked us to take responsibility for this horror. I was annoyed at Bishop Malooly’s blame game

There were other outrageous things he said and did. And then came the Netflix mini-series about the murder of Sister Catherine Cesnik. I did not watch the miniseries but a number of people came to me in crises because the character of Bishop Malooly was in one episode and it showed him as the goto cleric for the abuse cover-up. Of course he denies everything but his history of lies and bad behavior make that denial moot.  The bottom line is that people watched it and then had a spiritual crisis. My advice to them was stick with God.  No man is God and men will disappoint you every time.

Now the grand jury report for the archdiocese of Baltimore sexual abuse is being rereleased with less redactions. Bishop Malooly and four others sued to have their names redacted.  The only reason we know about this is because of The Baltimore Sun.  The optics are bad.   Is this a desperate attempt to continue to cover up and to lie about his actions before he was made bishop of Wilmington? Because he started his tenure lying it makes it hard to believe anything he says. I beg everyone to pray for him that he seeks forgiveness from God.