The Church and its alternate reality


This will be a brief entry. In a recent correspondence with someone I care about she marveled at the fact she did not know I had a blog. The blog is primarily for my own edification. if someone gets something out of my blogging then that is just gravy.

A very long time ago, maybe it was in the blog, I did address the absolutely infuriating and saddening reality that Mr. & Mrs. Smith taking up room in the church pew do not in any way want to know or hear about any unchurchly behavior in the Church perpetrated by some member of the clergy or by any of those laypeople who work for/in Church. Grow up! Some people live in an alternate reality and like living in obliviousness or they have their heads hiding in the sand or firmly shoved deeply up their own behinds. Anything they need to do to cling onto a Church that doesn’t exist. Reality is sometimes too painful to address. Of course if it doesn’t get addressed it can never be fixed. Abuse and trauma is the same, it has to be addressed and embraced to engender healing. It is painful though, I’m not going to lie. However it is necessary.

That of course brings me back to my circumstance. What do you do, how do you act, when you are re- abused over and over again? Full and complete healing is very difficult to achieve. By abuse in this context I’m referring to the constant lies and slander and hostility I have had to endure from both clergy and non-clergy alike. Unfortunately, I am not unique.

As long as the men who run things continue to lie and deny, avoiding the truth, then the Church will NEVER be trustworthy for a lot of people.

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Bishops as white knights…please.


A moment of clarity happened for me. It doesn’t happen nearly enough but when it does I am overwhelmed. When people pleasers are abused and they are in recovery they desperately, painfully try to please those in authority over them even though they have deep trust issues.

I’m going to use a friend of mine, without her permission, as an example. Then of course I will use my own horrible, but getting better, life. Over and over again my friend, who is very orthodox, keeps desperately trying to befriend her bishop. one of the reasons for this is to reverse the wrong perception that her diocese has of her after she turned in a priest who mentally and spiritually abused her. Of course since the modus operandi of the Church is to lie, and of course that is what happened, she is screwed with the new bishop. She needs, or think she does, the chanceries approval for the start of a new ministry. I say do an end around, if God wants it it will happen. This woman would also like an apology for all the lies and slanders hurled at her by several priests. The likelihood of that happening are pretty slim.

She has engaged the new bishop on several fronts. They have been successful because they really have nothing to do with getting an apology from the diocese or a new ministry. When those topics are broached the bishop, like so many other bishops, is not only weak but an ass not caring one whit about the salvation of her soul. She cannot understand why he does not seem to care about his own soul or the souls of the other people involved let alone her’s. This is my cynicism talking but I say he is a lost cause. Pray for him and leave him to God.

My story is a little different since I am a priest and was sexually abused by a priest. Our last bishop was and still is an ass. I, being naive, wanted desperately to trust him. Although it is hard for those of us who have been abused to trust those in authority we want too. It is akin to believing in a white knight who is going to save us. I am just going to share one issue but the are legion. Somehow I thought that being an orthodox priest who believes in the truth and so speaks the truth I would score points. When you are dealing with a deceitful ass truth does not matter.

I gave a homily about life issues. A woman left. She later wrote me a letter and signed it but did not put down a return address. Not being an idiot I was able to find her address. I wrote her back. She was angry as a hornet that I got her address. It is my humble opinion since she does not believe in life issues she should leave the Church. A friend of mine pulled her up on Facebook to show me what she looked like. But I digress.

(I had to take a break.) The priest personnel director, also an ass, came to berate me. I took none of it. He held up a copy of the letter I sent and said its the most hateful thing he has ever read. I replied by saying, ‘Your’e such a liar.’ Needless to say he was not expecting that and had no idea what to say. The meeting degenerated into a shouting match. Then he left.

How did he get a copy of the letter I sent, you ask? I sent a copy to the bishop. Why? A desire for praise for my standing up for the truth. Instead of a white knight I got a dark lord. That deceitful bishop is gone. AMEN! That deceitful priest personnel director is also gone. Double AMEN!

As for the new bishop…he does not seem like a bad guy and my interaction with him has been positive. Time will tell. White knights are few and far between. And they do not seem to be in the ranks of the bishops.

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It all circles back to the bishops


I keep thinking about this and that leads me to praying about this. Since not only has there been sexual scandal within the Church and not teaching the tenants of the Roman Catholic faith for decades the Church and the world are in upheaval. What has happened? One of the definitions of weak is: liable to break or give way under pressure . It is very telling that give way under pressure is exactly what is happening in the Church and in the culture.

I think it is safe to say that the Church has given way under the pressure of the culture. Bishops have been weak. In turn, the members of the Church have become weak. The result has been that a lot of sin is now looked upon as acceptable. The Church has never taught that cohabitation is acceptable, the Church has never taught that sex before marriage or outside of marriage is acceptable, the Church has never taught that same sex relationships are acceptable or that receiving the Eucharist while in a state of mortal sin is okay. Also some of the more mundane, things like confession/reconciliation, going to mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation, stealing, (even little stuff). Of course this is not an exhaustive list.

Where have the bishops and priests been? Where have the good sisters been? Why is no one teaching these things? Today you hear a lot about Re-Evangelization except that there hasn’t been any real evangelization for the past 50 years since Vatican II. It is not Vatican II’s fault. It is my opinion that is why the state of the country and the culture itself is in total dysfunction and disarray. Even some Catholics buy into the insanity that has engulfed the culture.

Is it any wonder that bishops shuffled around abusive priests from parish to parish and sometimes to other dioceses.? Is it any wonder that the sin that is sexual abuse was whitewashed like a tomb filled with decay and corruption? And of course there is the issue of money to be considered. When did people and the salvation of souls stop mattering to the Church? When did the definition of loving someone become allowing them to do whatever they feel is right for them and disregard, “loving”, meaning caring for eternal souls and so pointing out erroneous thinking and error which is sin. There are a lot of people that are going to “ACCOMPANY” ,(a new catch word), others to hell.

If anyone wants to even talk about it they are considered hateful. And when did it become verboten to talk about politics when it opposes Roman Catholic beliefs and teachings. Weak bishops also try to silence any priest who dares to point out the dichotomy between religion and politics. Is it any wonder that the Church is a mess and it seems very few know the truth?

The truth is the truth is the truth even if a majority of people in the Church and in the world don’t want to embrace the truth.

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Eye’s wide open, or shut, I guess it depends on your perspective


After 9 years at the beach I have been transferred inland. I’m glad because it was time to move on, that and one particular employee would not stay in her lane. It did’t help that she bought in to all the COVID gloom and doom. So she was unbearable to be around.

This particular employee has been at the parish for a very long time so has gotten away with a lot because of weak pastors. And there is the rub,weak pastors make for weak bishops who come from the ranks of weak pastors. So is there a wonder that there is an abuse problem and a massive cover-up of abuse?

If many different pastor have not reigned this employee in for; being rude to certain parishioners, lying, alleged theft of services and property, accusing others of wrong doing without any proof and just being a miserable person to be around then why oh why should we expect that bishops would act justly? Many times bishops come from the ranks of pastors in parishes.

I did get this second hand but have no reason to doubt the source. when asked about why the current pastor puts up with this employee his answer is that he has a parish to run. There is no talk about souls or the salvation of the people of the parish. Isn’t that our job as priests?

Shouldn’t the bishops have cared equally for the salvation of the abused, the abuser and the faithful. The abuser was the only one who mattered. And the goal was to not let anyone know, that is until money was involved.

So the weakness and the lying are second nature to priests and then bishops. Money and the smooth running of parishes and dioceses are much more important than the salvation of souls. the toleration of evil seems to be the cost of doing business in the Church.

God help us all.

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” I am not going to go to hell for not preaching the gospel. I may go for other things, but it won’t be because I did not preach the gospel.”


Sometimes I am a tad slow on the uptake. I like to think I have an innocence about me and not that I’m slow and dimwitted.  I have conclude that there are many, many priests that want to do the very minimum with truth because they choose to worry about earthly things, (lights, boilers, roofs et. al.) Fortunately or unfortunately I do not care about such things.  The things that brought me to that grand truth are legion. I want to touch on two, and both of them are connected.

Since I seem to be one of the few priests that try to preach the truth of Jesus Christ I do receive push back from people who want to believe whatever makes them feel good about themselves. Of course, they never actually come to me. Here is my first problem with that…how about the pastor or the Chancellor tell the people who complain that their understanding of Catholicism is not authentic. (I only preach the Gospel of Christ that St. Paul preached.)  Since it has already been written for me there is no need for me to write or preach something other than the gospel. The rub is that pastors would rather not deal with the truth or deal with irate and delusional parishioners. The bottom line is the salvation of souls is less important than the boiler.

The other thing that chaps my ass, (to use a colloquialism), is that it was admitted by the Chancellor that the complaints aren’t always about what I’m saying but how I’m saying it…my tone. That sounds awfully politically correct and somewhat feminine. The salvation of souls isn’t masculine or feminine just ask St.’s Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Sienna, Joan of Arc, the Blessed Mother et. al. their number one priority is/was saving souls for God.  It is misogynistic to say otherwise.

The knowledge was put before me that a friend of the Office Manager was feeding her information about my homilies. The office Manager in turn tried to clarify what she was told by going to the organist. The organist, God bless her, told the Office Manager that everything I said was the truth.  The relatively new term, “snowflakes” comes to mind when dealing with the un-catechized or poorly catechized.

As I have often said from the pulpit many times,” I am not going to go to hell for not preaching the gospel. I may go for other things, but it won’t be because I did not preach the gospel.”

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If you do not believe, get out


I have a question and a problem, and of course it is related to clergy sex abuse and the wider Church. I think that there is a pretty strong connection with the lack of belief of Church teaching in the laity and clergy and the Sexual abuse scandal. Here is what I mean. If you go to church and you sit in the pew but do not believe in the true presence in the blessed sacrament, you have no belief in the Church’s teaching on reconciliation and you do not believe that abortion and euthanasia are wrong even though the Church teaches that they are wrong then I must ask why is it you consider yourself Catholic and why it is that you bother to come to mass? The same can be said about some clergy. If you do not believe in God why are you wasting your time pretending that you do.  If you do not believe in Church teaching, especially about moral issues, then why are you still here?  I know a Jewish woman who only considers herself a cultural Jew. She even says she is atheist.

I do not get it?  And please spare me the argument people need to stay in the Church for conversion. That is a straw-man argument. Staying in the Church, even though you know the Church’s teachings but do not believe them, just wastes your time and mine. Being obstinate in your sin does not help your soul AND THAT IS WHAT IT IS ABOUT, THE SALVATION OF SOULS!

It is ironic that St. Paul, St. Augustin, St. Francis and St. Ignatius did not have the church per se have the Church but did have an intimate encounter with God.  The great thing about doors on the Church is that you can not only exit, (and some should), but you can also enter.  What a concept!

Now what about these errant priests? I will be the first to admit that I know and believe what the Church teaches in scripture and in the deposit of faith but often fail to live it,  that is sin, (and that is why we have reconciliation).  But molesting a child or living a double life is not only anathema but also obstinate in its choice.

Why does all hell break out when you make the suggestion that some people leave the Church?  If you are not in the pew, you cannot give any money.  Ohhhh, is that the answer? Where does the salvation of souls fit in?  Obstinate sin and unworthy reception of the Eucharist will damn your soul. (That is not me speaking but the Church speaking.)

So, what are we to do? There has been much too much silence on what the Church actually teaches. Theologians, bishops, priests and others have embraced a watered-down version of theology or even a theology that forsakes the truth for feelings and in the process creates a God that would be unrecognizable to the apostles. Truth does not change…ever.

And yet there are many people in the Church, or say they are in the Church even though they are not, who do not want to teach the hard truths. Heaven forbid we do not feel good about ourselves all the time and no matter what. Heaven forbid we teach about the difference between venial and mortal sin. Heaven forbid we ever say that there are some people in hell because of the wicked or luke warm lives that they have led.

Where are our HERO’S? Where are our saints? If you bring up this subject you are labeled a trouble maker and you are possibly canceled, (Fr. Altman was). The Church has never taught that faith comes piecemeal. So I’m begging…if you do not believe in something that is in the Church’s scripture or tradition then please get out, you can always come back when you do believe.

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The right thing


Pondering the rich young man and his interaction with Jesus it is clear to me the respect God has for freewill. The rich young man went away sad. God himself told this rich young man what it would take for him to gain heaven. He went away sad, and Jesus let him go. So, we have to be willing to let people go. It is the old cliché you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

And so goes it with the Church. The upper echelons, the power in the Church, know the truth and just walked away. They know what it is that has to be done but won’t do it. It might have to do with money, it might have to do with lawyers, and I don’t want to believe this but maybe there are many that do not believe in the one true God but a god of their own making.

It has taken me a lifetime to get to the point where I can let people go. And I realize that when dealing with others who have been abused, I want to fix them. (That is such a man thing.) Truth be told I cannot fix anyone. It is very difficult for me to always operate at that paradigm. When I sought healing for my abuse, I experienced so much pain…so much remembering that caused me so much crying. It takes courage but I never felt courageous…and not everyone is there…

I cannot fathom anyone not wanting healing for their pain. But I understand people do not want to re-live their pain because it feels as if they are inflicting pain on themselves.

Back to bishops and others in the Church who have power…you cannot make them drink. You cannot make people who have experienced abuse, (of any kind), drink. If Jesus Christ allowed free will to stand in the way of the rich young man, who am I, who are we? Unfortunately, we can’t make people do the right thing. God can’t even make people do the right thing.

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Eucharist and Abuse


The Eucharist is the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ. The Catholic Church has NEVER taught that Eucharist is owed to anyone, and it never taught everyone should or can receive Eucharist. Furthermore, the Church has always taught that if you are in mortal sin you should not go to communion. The Church also teaches that any graces equated with the Eucharist are not available for those who receive the body, blood soul and divinity of Christ unworthily, that is in mortal sin. I learned that in second grade and then it was reiterated in the seminary. It does not matter how may deacons, priests or bishops try to teach the contrary, the truth is the truth. Sadly, there are deacons, priests and bishops who go against the teaching of the Church. ANATHAMA!

In our Catholic schools some teachers tell their students it is okay to leave before communion if the priest says something that angers them. WHAT? NO! The summit of Catholic worship of the Catholic, is not based on a particular person’s feelings.

In a conversation with two priests the subject of a woman leaving before the Holy Eucharist came up. I stated that the action says more about her than it does the priest she was annoyed by. You would have thought I called for the overthrow of the Church. If you are not in mortal sin, go to communion, don’t ever deny yourself God if you can receive God.

How does this tie into the priest sexual abuse issue? If members of the Church cannot even get Eucharist correct everything down wind is so much dross. I don’t blame the people in the pews who have never been catechized but clergy should know better. Since we do not defend God is it surprising we do not defend those who have been abused

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Eucharist and abuse


Just another example of Roman Catholics without a clue would be the total misunderstanding of the Eucharist. Putting priests and other clergy on very high pedestals was a huge misjustice, forgetting that clergy are human, and it led to an even greater misjustice when clergy sex abuse victims were not believed and conspired against by the hierarchy and their ilk. Destroy the victim, that was their plan. ‘He’s a drug addict…a drunk…mentally ill…’ (Could the molestation have had anything to do with that?) The destruction of victims failed somewhat because there were too many of us.

That leads to the Eucharist, the body, the blood, the soul and divinity of Jesus. It should be held on a pedestal but is often times not. (I have to continue this latter.)

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Impression


Okay my first impression of the new bishop. Reserved, at least at this meeting. At the start I asked for him to pray for someone I have been visiting and who wants to die and who’s doctor suggested he kill himself. Heavy beginning.

Then we were supposed to get into the body of the meeting. Again, I began and told the new bishop about my molestation at the hands of a priest. I suspect, but do not know, that the molestation revelation did change the tenor of the meeting. At this meeting was the bishop, the vicar for clergy, the vicar general and yours truly. I am aware that the old bishop did lie about me to the vicar general. I suspect that the vicar for priests had also been privy to untruths about me.

I also gave the bishop an inexhaustive list of some of the betrayals I’ve experienced in/with priests and/or bishops. That in itself is sad and should not happen. Just once I would like to be supported by the diocese and I told him that. We talked about my tattoos which is really acceptable cutting. We talked about Grief to Grace and how it was paramount in giving me understanding of how I sometimes react to some situations and why I am a spendthrift. (It doesn’t effect people the same except for the inability to trust others. We all have that.) When he asked how long I have been at my current assignment. My response to him was; since 2013, I’m being punished and I don’t know why. The other two priests didn’t say much of anything.

The bishop was cordial, not cold, not warm, cordial. I suspect he was lied to also.

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