The raped and abused by clergy, are they a papal concern that would merit money from the Peter’s Pence collection?

Peter’s Pence has been used to invest in real estate. Peter’s Pence has been used to invest in a movie. Peter’s Pence has been used to fill financial gaps in running the Vatican. A reported 10% has been used for the ‘poor’.  Poor being a relative term.  Here is an idea and I’m just spit balling here, do the poor in Spirit qualify?  How about the raped and abused by clergy, are they a papal concern that would merit money from the Peter’s Pence collection? How about the plethora of people who have left the Church because of the raped and abused by clergy and the way it has not been handled by the men of the Church? Everyone and everything but the people who hurt seem to quallify.

A close friend of mine teaches English Literature at a local university.  She had her students read, “Dr. Faustus“, the students did not like it because, most of them do not believe in God. (At least that is what they say.) So why is the Church chasing people who do believe in God away by:

1. Not acting in a godly fashion.                                                                                                           or                                                                                                                                                               2. Acting swiftly to fix and NOT hide the problem.

So many of the younger generation is already lost to the Church. So many of their parents have been lost by poor catechesis. Scandal after scandal does not help the cause of the Church and it most definitely does not encourage a belief in God. So what is the answer???                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            FIX IT!  (Shouted at the top of my lungs.)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Get you shit in a pile.  Get rid of the thieves. Get rid of the sexually active. Get rid of the non-believers. Stop trying to protect your own ass’. Trust in God.

I’m so tired of writing the same things over and over. I shouldn’t have to.  


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Mercy? Love? The pope has revealed himself as a fraud and a liar

First I must get this off my chest. The champion of mercy and love, Pope Francis, actually slapped a woman.  Mercy? Love? Not really.  A lot of excuses have been made for the pope’s behavior but the bottom line is that anyone who acts in such a way does not have real mercy or love it their heart.  He has exposed himself to the world as the fraud that he is.

There have been many people that I’ve come across in the daily living out of my priesthood who I wanted to slap but I did not.  I do not believe for one moment that I posses real mercy or love it my heart, although I want too, and pray too, but I do have some semblance of self-control. (At least I have had it thus far in my priesthood.)

Where does this all lead, besides the pope’s revealing himself as a fraud and a liar? (He is a bishop so what should we expect?  To my chagrin I’ve become so cynical.) It leads to all of his pretty words about zero tolerance for clergy who sexually abuse and all of his love and concern for the victims of these priests, (Remember bishops & cardinals are priests.), are smoke dissipating in space and time.

As a priest myself I find that devastating.  As a victim I find that infuriating.  Thank God, literally, for individuals in the press who have made a huge stink about the godless acts of the Bransfields, McCarricks, and Wurels in our midst. Thank God, literally, for the attorneys general who are investigating these issues and investigating all involved in the cover-up since the Church isn’t investigating it or is not able to investigating itself.  The sad actuality is that many diocese are fighting against any and all investigations.

This whole issue has morphed into an enormous black hole that has sucked in the people who sit in the pews. The faithful are now also victims of the lying liars, the sexually active priests, the drug takers and the thieves.  Some of them do not even try to hide themselves behind a thin veneer of holiness or even religiosity any longer.  Lucky for us that we have a light that cannot be extinguished or sucked in by any black hole. That light is Christ.  As difficult as it sometimes is, Christ is who we need to cling to…not man or men in robes…Christ.

Reports from the media point to a measurable drop in donations to the Church.  That should get the attention of men in high places.  The love of money seems to be true love of Church authorities and not the love of God. One begins to question if they even believe in God.  That thought should not have ever entered any of our minds but it has because we see how they act and react. How can you be a believer and be a sexually active priests, a drug takers and a thief? Pray, pray, pray, for that is all we have, (except for money of course), and that is all we need.  God help us.  God help all involved.





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“Mercy”, is just a word to the Church

Ask me how dreadfully tired I am about hearing the Catholic Church via bishops and the pope talk about mercy. They have demonstrated that to them, as far as victims of clergy abuse go, it is only a word. Do I believe God is merciful? YES! Do I believe that God’s mercy has been extended to the victims of clergy sexual abuse by the Church? NO I DO NOT!

If I could say it in Spanish so that the pope could understand me, I would tell him; : “Fix the damn problem. Fix the shattered lives of victims. Fix the shattered lives of victims families. Fix the shattered lives of the faithful and stop making a mockery of God’s mercy.  Also stop protecting criminals.” Even in English most of the bishops in the USA do not understand.

The bishops, cardinals and the even the pope are making a mockery of the mercy of God. God will not be mocked. The eschaton, the four last things; death, judgement, heaven, or hell will not go well for these men unless they take this seriously. Empty words are just that empty and the men of the Church need to stop betraying the word mercy by only applying it to each others crimes. They need to use it for abuse victims too.

I’m also sick of one of the reasons for the bishops world-wide being given a justification for this rubbish. No one that I knew in the seminary with me, was actively homosexual or heterosexual. So to find such a thing out now only means that I did not really know them. No one I knew was having sexual relations with teenage boys. If they were I either did not know it or I was too obtuse to see. Either way they would not be who I thought they were or who I thought I knew.

I do not actually know that she said this, but Sharon Stone is given credit for it. Talking about show business it is reported she said, “You can only sleep your way to the middle.” Maybe in the Church you can sleep your way higher than the middle. And maybe that is part of the problem.

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heresy, the pope, abuse crises & cover-up

How can anyone expect the Catholic Church to deal with all the tentacles of abuse and cover-up when we have a pope who is guilty of heresy in the Vatican garden with the odd tree/spirit worship and guilty of daemon worship with the whole Pachamama goddess statues in Roman Catholic Churches? He is either very dim or diabolical himself.

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Bishop Bransfield, Bishop Malone of Buffalo, the Delaware apostate, ex-priest, on the Diocesan Marriage Tribunal, all of the clerical support, including bishops, of the gay agenda which clearly flies in the face of the teaching of Catholicism

There is so much going on right now; the Bishop Bransfield case in West Virginia, Bishop Richard Malone of Buffalo, NY and the slow collapse of the diocese, the Delaware apostate, ex-priest, on the Diocesan Marriage Tribunal, not to mention all of the clerical support, including bishops, of the gay agenda which clearly flies in the face of the teaching of Catholicism.  One has to ask what is going on? If the good bishops would speak up for God when the bad bishops are spewing heresy, and the week bishops would step up as men of God things might get better.

In the past I did not believe that there were bishops and priests who did not believe in God. Why then choose this life? It is not an easy life. Maybe it is easy if you do not believe.  I do believe, and I do believe that there are some men in the clerical ranks today who do not believe in God.  How could they say that they believe in God and do what they do?  How could they believe in God and promote what they promote? Mr. Theodore McCarrick, obviously, was never really Roman Catholic.  Mr. Theodor McCarrick could not have believed that there would be a final judgment by God…yet he made it to the rank of Cardinal Archbishop.  How?  How many others are there? Will their fall be just as spectacular?  How much more will the truly faithful have to endure?

I constantly tell parishioners to cling to Jesus. I constantly tell myself the same thing.  Sometimes it is a heavy yoke. I’ll take the light yoke any time now God.  But I do have the light of truth. I try to follow the light of truth. God is truth. We need to follow God.


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Priest abuse hitting close to home

In March an allegation was brought forth against a diocese priest of sexual abuse 38 years ago. Another allegation in a different local also came to light. So there are two different investigations in two different jurisdictions. Because the first allegation was 38 years ago I have had at least one person say to me that they do not believe the allegation.  Of course everyone is innocent until proven guilty.  That said I told her that it was 22 years before I came forward.  I did not tell her that circumstances forced me to come forward before I was ready and it was another five years before I was ready to deal with it in therapy.

I really don’t know this priest and I really don’t know how he was as a priest/pastor to congregants or as a boss. That said, 38 years is really not that long when you factor in the shame and stigma of being abused. (I wonder if he was waiting for his parents to die), I have worked with older women who first had abortions in 1973 when it became legal.  They bought into the lie that it was easy and the right thing to do. They kept their shame secret since then.

As someone who has suffered clerical sexual abuse when I was informed by the diocese of this case, all priests were e-mailed, the first thought I had was, this will never end…then I felt sad for the alleged victim, the priest and for me. I try very hard not to get into the, ‘poor me’, mindset and when I realize that I have indeed gone there I try mightily to get out of it. (Even after all this time I get sucked into that destructive mindset.)  That is just one of the things that makes sexual abuse, in fact all abuse, so insidious.  The effects of the abuse are never really gone.

Some of the people that are in the parish of the accused priest are unhappy with the bishop.  They see his actions as throwing this priest under the bus.  What was he supposed to do? He has his own skeletons in the closet, one of them became a Netflix miniseries, not doing anything would be imprudent on his part…just another skeleton to deal with.

And so it goes…another priest accused, if abuse took place, another person scared, another skeleton exposed and more agita for those of us who have struggled with the effects of our own abuse. Around and around and around it goes…

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Keep your mouth shut: advice given by a priest in reference to a predator priest.

First allow me to preface this with a true story. When I was a seminarian studying for the priesthood in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, I reported a priest for inappropriate behavior towards myself and another seminarian. When I took this back to the powers that be at the seminary it was suggested that this was a good time for me to keep my mouth shut. This episode happened before the Attorney General’s Grand Jury Report had been released. Meanwhile the priest that I turned in was outed as the first sexual predator in the archdiocese. He was eventually defrocked, and latter passed away. Was I protected? No. Did anything happen to him after my stepping forward? No. How about me? Well I’m not a priest of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia.

Men and women who keep their heads in the sand like ostriches concerning this issue…well…I can’t think of a nice way to put it. Those men and women are a huge part of the problem, not admitting that presently there is a problem in the Church caused by homosexual predator priests and other priests and bishops covering up for them. I will never forget the words spoken to me that it would be a good time for me to keep my mouth shut. (It was a threat that came to fruition.)

I thank God, (literally), for the ability to keep my faith and pursue my vocation to the priesthood despite numerous setbacks. (I was untouchable to other diocese in the immediate aftermath, even this one.) Five years later Wilmington did accept me.
I am here to tell you that it doesn’t matter how long it takes for a person to come forward after they have been sexually abused by a priest. It doesn’t matter that the priest may be dead. What does matter is the havoc that abusive priests caused in the lives of their victims. What matters is that children and post-pubescent boys who were abused meant nothing to most bishops. Alas, a majority of children and young adults who survived these demon priests have left the Church. A lot of other people have also left because of the hypocrisy of this scandal.

It is lucky that we are blessed by God with the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. That is what we need to cling to. That is what will get us through this.

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Bishops ‘bring sense of urgency’ to Baltimore, REALLY!

Early morning raids on chanceries across the country…allegations that some bishops are not handing over to the authorities ALL the names of perpetrators and alleged perpetrators of sexual abuse…the false notion that any sex with a priest could be consensual despite the disparity in power involved…and lastly…bishops policing themselves, (because that has worked so well in the past), are more NOTHING!

More nothing from the Church, more nothing, and just in case I’m not being clear, more nothing.  Thank God, and I mean that both literally and figuratively, that secular authorities are now starting to do something. (Of course this is after decades of collusion with the Church.)  I’m going to paraphrase something Oprah Winfrey said about if there was a bad apple in her employ. She said that she certainly would see that the person in question would get help but she would no longer employ them.  One of the reasons that it seems profound is that is the exact opposite of what has been adopted by the men of the Church.

The Wilmington Diocesan news paper has a tiny section on the front page along with a tiny picture of the bishops at their meeting in Baltimore with a blurb: Bishops ‘bring sense of urgency’ to Baltimore, then it directs you to page 7. The issue is only 12 pages and the 12th page is an advertisement for hospice. The fact that the paper decided to  print that the bishops have a sense of urgency now in 2019 belies their lack of urgency in 2002.

What is making them all-of- a-sudden have a sense of urgency?  Could it be early morning raids on chanceries across the country…allegations that some bishops are not handing over to the authorities ALL the names of perpetrators and alleged perpetrators of sexual abuse…the false notion that any sex with a priest could be consensual despite the disparity in power involved…and lastly…bishops policing themselves. Could the urgency have to do with possible prison time?

The entirety of Theodore McCarrick’s debauchery caused his own demise in the Church…after many, many years and many, many protectors.  And what happened next?  NOTHING, unless you consider inertia something. Victims of predators, all predators, suffer for life. The residual trauma is always present. It is akin to original sin washed away at baptism, the effects of original sin is still there. That’s why we sin. The effects of abuse are always present. That is why we don’t trust others. And then the Church reinforces that mistrust by their actions and inaction.

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Everything right now is calm in the Church…well…relatively calm.

Calm. Everything right now is calm in the Church…well…relatively calm.  Just to remind everyone that this is a blog that is specifically about the sexual abuse in the Church and how incompetently and really un-Christian/Catholic it was, and is, being handled.  Yes there are individual priests who have not abused and are very good and holy men but they are not the subject material for this blog.

A few of the things that are said to me that really…well…disgust me are people, (some are priests and bishops), who say they understand then really demonstrate by their actions  and their words that they are clueless. Another thing that I find disturbing is that people just want this to somehow magically go away…and not be talked about. Ain’t happenin.

If the priests, bishops, cardinals and even the pope really do understand this issue like they say that they do then why is this still a problem? When did the Boston Archdiocese crap come to light? How many years has it been? And look, nothing is substantially better. Bishops are still asked to police themselves and their own priests…and we all know how great that worked out.

There is a fear at calling it what it has been, (at least for the most part), as a homosexual problem.  Those prelates who say, Oh no, it’s a sin of opportunity, (notice how it is not called a crime), did the abuse of girls who serve at the alter spike?  Or, (and this is mindboggling to me), it is blamed on clericalism. What?  That doesn’t even make sense.

No matter what the reason for the sexual abuse is, priests are celibate and we are all, every Catholic, every person, called to be chaste.  It is not easy sometimes but it is not impossible. And chastity should never be violated with those who are underage. As for those devils or just plane stupid people who are constantly shoving down our throats about consensual sex…it is NEVER consensual when there is a power differential.   That standard applies to everyone not just prelates.

Priests who have a lover who are adults, male or female, or other priests and living a double life are another and different subject. That issue should not be allowed to muddy the waters of abusing minors or abusing power. They are separate but parallel issues. A   fall with another adult and not living a double life is yet a different issue

You reap what you sew. Last summer has been dubbed the summer of shame. This summer the moniker could be the summer of our discontent. Keep Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament as your focus.  He will help you be content, not accepting of this, but content.

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Bankruptcy; both cash and morals

On October 18, 2009, the Diocese of Wilmington filed for bankruptcy because of sexual abuse claims.  It was a way that the powers-that-be could avoid the rigors, (and perversities), of many trials.  Fast forward to now. How has this effected the priests of today? (I am aware that some people will not give a hoot.)

We have medical insurance, very good medical insurance.  It is a different insurance plan than all of the lay people who work for the diocese have. Their plan is good but not as good as the clergy plan.  Except the clergy plan will not exist soon because we will all have the same, not quite as good as the clergy plan, plan in order to save the diocese money.  Okay, I see how that can be considered a good thing but that is not the point.  And I don’t think I’m being petty, I hope I’m not, although I’m annoyed I’m just using this as an illustration.

The bankruptcy declared in 2009 is effecting priests in 2019.  In the back of my mind I knew the bankruptcy would effect all of us but the reality of it all is a kick in the teeth.   Every year each parish is assessed a “goal” for the annual catholic appeal. By goal I mean that if parishioners don’t  meet the seemingly arbitrary goal, set by the muckety-mucks in charge, with pledges of their own then the parish will be billed for the shortfall.  And that money will come from the Sunday collection.  Either way the people get fleeced.  Where does that collected money really go, and how much is it?

There is also a money grab for the support of retired priests. Since we do not have a retirement home for priests, (we are on our own…I plan to live in a box under an overpass), in this diocese we do get a pension.  So is that where this money goes? How much is collected every year diocesan wide?    How much is distributed, and to what?

I know that the diocese is trying to build up their reserve that dissipated with bankruptcy an all of sexual abuse claim settlements. The irony, at least to me, is that if the sexual abuse had been handled in a godly and timely manner there never would have been a need to declare bankruptcy.

There are people, like me, who didn’t come forward for many years out of fear and shame. There are also people who told their families and they were not believed. There were people who told their families, were believed and then their families confronted the bishop. That is when it should have been handled and not by a priest transfer and/or a signed confidentiality agreement.

Secracy, cover-up, a stated desire not to cause scandal…lies by both omission and comission. Recalling my childhood catechism lessons I do recall who the father of lies really is.  Has he infiltrated the Church?  It sure looks that way. But also from my childhood catechism lessons I know he will not prevail.



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