I have not written in a while because I have had nothing to say. Now I do have something to say. Although it has always been in my mind I have realized that my own healing from my own experience with clergy sexual abuse is never going to heal totally because I am a priest and I work for the entity that not only caused it retramitizationbut also covered it up and then placed the blaim on, well, everyone and everything else. I find myself being retraumatised over and over again. One reason is the men running the Church still don’t, “get it”, in regards to abuse. It is not just sexual abuse but any and all abuse. Besides the effect of never being able to trust another person a person who has been abused no longer feels safe. How are people who have been abused in some way by a priest supposed to feel safe in and with the Church?
God can heal me, I know that. What was in my head, what was cerebral knowledge has gone to my heart, soul and intellect. Considering the alternative to constant trauma would be to leave the Church and I’m not about to do that. So I accept this cross and with God’s help will push through.