I am having trouble even starting this blog. My thoughts and feelings, (yes feelings), are all a jumble. I received an invitation, (to the incorrect address I might add), I’ve been invited to join Archbishop Chaput O.F.M. Cap. to a mass for Healing for Victims of Clergy Sexual Abuse to take place on March 22, 2014 at 5:15 p.m. at the cathedral in Philadelphia. Too little too late.
First of all going on a Grief to Grace retreat would and could do more for victims of abuse yet getting a third party, like the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, to sponsor retreats is difficult because they don’t want to part with their money, but I digress, than a healing mass. A healing mass alone is just so much babble. I don’t doubt for one second God’s ability to heal but that has not been my experience with healing masses alone. And healing masses are incorporated into Grief to Grace retreats.
For people like me who never hated or blamed God for my abuse what is the point of a mass? The most damaging thing to me were the people in power who did nothing but try to cover up. Being told, “Sorry”, does not put my shattered plate back together.
When I was in the seminary in Philadelphia and brought forth a priest who supervised another seminarian and myself on what was called an apostolate, (a practicum), for his wildly inappropriate behavior towards us, including but not limited to, a tour of a boy’s locker-room during school hours, I was told By Rev. Tom Owens that this was a good opportunity to keep my mouth shut. Later the priest I reported was laicized for molesting a teenage boy and has since passed away.
The incident had nothing to do with my molestation except to act as a trigger for me and to show how priests covered for one another at the expense of the innocent. (Just typing the event is triggering anxiety within me.)
Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
– Okay, done
Did it break?
Now say sorry to it.
Did it go back together the way it was before?
Do you understand?
My plate is broken and, “sorry”, just doesn’t cut it. Now, more than ever I am realizing that all of the horrible things said and done for the sake of covering all of this up has been more destructive, at least to me, than my own sexual molestation.
Saint Francis of Assisi was famously in love with Christ and not mere Christianity, to paraphrase G. K. Chesterton. It really makes you wonder who all of these bishops and all of their underlings are in love with…it certainly doesn’t seem to be Christ judging from their actions and the amount of time they are taking to right wrongs.